Rachael Kirkconnell doesn’t have ‘hatred or ill-will’ towards Matt James after breakup

The reality star is opening up about her split from Matt James, revealing that he apologized after her tell-all interview about their breakup, and it made her have no bad feelings about him.

During her appearance on the March 26 episode of The Squeeze podcast with Tay Lautner, Kirkconnell, 28, shared that she and James spoke after she detailed their split on Call Her Daddy back in January.

At the time, she had expressed feeling blindsided when James publicly announced their breakup on Instagram just before she boarded a 12-hour flight.

Since then, the former Bachelor star reached out. “I think if he ever wants to share his side of it and his story then he’s more than able to, of course,” Kirkconnell said.

“I think that hearing certain things come from him helped me a lot. I think that, you know, not only did he apologize for things, but he took a lot of things back.”

Though the conversation offered some closure, it didn’t change the outcome.

“Of course, that was really hard to hear, and it was really sad, and it hurts,” she admitted.

“Sometimes I tell myself it was so nice to hear the things I had been wanting to hear for weeks and I finally got that apology and that closure and that honesty that I needed from him.”

But even with that, Kirkconnell made it clear the past remains unchanged.

“It still happened. He still did what he did and we still had to navigate everything after that,” she explained. And as for where they stand now? “I have not been texting him, I have not been calling him, don’t worry,” she assured.

Over time, Kirkconnell has found a sense of peace, admitting she feels “less heartbroken” as she’s reflected on the relationship. “A lot of things that at the end of the day, like, weren’t okay or weren’t respectful, and that’s helped me move on,” she said.

One thing that hasn’t changed? She holds no resentment, “hatred or ill-will” towards James.

“I think you can forgive someone without, you know, taking them back or wanting to work through things or whatever it may be. I think you can forgive someone and accept their apology, but then keep moving on,” she shared. “But it doesn’t mean you have to have them back in your life.”

She’s also had a revelation that helped her healing, “I do think it helped that I had that conversation with him and I heard those things from him,” she said.

“But even if I hadn’t, I think that it is so important to acknowledge it for yourself, like, ‘It wasn’t fully me. It wasn’t 1,000 percent completely my fault.’”

Despite everything, Kirkconnell admits part of her still wishes they could remain in each other’s lives in some way.

“I still do wish on some level we could be friends. Because he was my best friend,” she shared.

“We don’t have to be friends, but friendly would be nice. I do want him to be happy, it doesn’t have to be with me. I said that from the beginning of our relationship, I said that to him on the show,” she continued.

“And I still feel like that today to this day. I just want both of us to be happy even if it’s not with each other.”